FINE SKETCH

COMEDY 

SINCE 1855

 

*with a short break for the Civil War

*

THE DFBs ‘17

SARAH “The Miracle of Judiasm” CHAPIN

Vienna, VA

Sarah plans to major in English, in

order to eliminate the word

moist from the dictionary.

SOPHIE “Bear Cake” DILLON

New Haven, CT

Sophie Dillon sprang from 'tween her mother's hirsute thighs with a pint of mead in hand. Sophie Dillon grew a beard once, because she could. Then she shaved it off and ate it. Sophie Dillon is thought to be the father of kpop. Sophie Dillon's middle name is Foreskin. Some say Sophie Dillon's heart is made of Wetzel's first Pretzel. Sophie Dillon laughs in their faces.

KAMERON "Spicemaster Flex" HUTCHINSON  

New York, NY

After mentoring Broadway actors and playwrights, Kameron has decided to emerge from behind-the-scenes and take his place on the Red Hot Poker stage. Please keep all screaming, cheering, and fawning to a respectable noise level.

FJORSKYNN ‘18

ANNIE “Handjob Swinton” NELSON

New York, NY

The writer of this bio thinks

Annie has a tolerable

personality.

REBECCA “Big Dick Beans” SHAW

New York, NY

For reasons that should be obvious,

Rebecca has always felt spiritually

connected to the Australian cassowary.

THE FALLOPIAN FIVE ‘19

RAFFI “Saucy Grundle Jr.” DONATICH

New Haven, CT

Raffi Donatich won America’s Next Top Model but they took the award away from her because she was lying about her age. Raffi Donatich is 573 years old. Raffi Donatich is chronically dehydrated because she only drinks the tears of men. Once, a basketball hoop fell on Raffi Donatich’s head and she didn’t cry. Raffi Donatich is a pisces. Stubborn, but sensitive.

DELILAH “Kimona Lisa” NAPIER

Los Angeles, CA

Every time Delilah opens her mouth, an angel pees.

JOHN “Crackle Wrigley 2” ROSENBLUTH

New Haven, CT

John Gabriel Rosenbluth is moved to contemplation by the smell of eucalyptus trees, and didn’t care when he found out that they’re actually an invasive species from Australia. He can’t build anything with his hands, which leads some to question his virility (bad idea). He strongly dislikes jasmine tea and corruption.

GILBERT “Li’l Newt, Big Newt” Saenz

Donna, TX

Amazing. Inspiring. Iconic. All of these are words used to describe the Obamas.

Gilbert is okay.

ISAAC “Veloci-Trapdoor” SCOBEY-THAL

Moorestown, NJ

Isaac enjoys hats. But not too much. Not too little, either. Just the right amount.

ACCELERATED 4PLAY ‘20

MIA “Naughty Leroy” FOWLER

Louisville, KY

After Mia single-handedly shut down Enron, she spent several years in the countryside writing her thesis on the merits of a BLT with no T. Beyoncé once asked Mia for advice on how to be more excellent, but please don't ask Beyoncé about it. It was a private moment.

SETH “The Fresh Friar” HERSCHKOWITZ

Moorestown, NJ

Seth tried to write this bio

by using Haiku

but ended up with no room

So he wrote this instead.

KEZIE “Dorsal Dreams” NWACHUKWU

Louisville, KY

In first grade, Kezie tried to pretend to be his twin brother for a test but forgot they were fraternal twins.

CHARLIE “The Locksmith” LEE

Philadelphia, PA

Charlie sometimes forgets to wear his retainer. He's kissed a girl but she goes to another school and doesn't have Facebook so don't worry about it.

COPYRIGHT 2015 RED HOT POKER

DESIGNED BY JOSHUA TORO